


How Do I Heal?

by PanickingTara



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Witchcraft
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2020-11-26 05:13:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20924726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PanickingTara/pseuds/PanickingTara
Summary: “If I was dying, what would you do?”





	1. Tuesday

A soft knock on his door wakes him up. He wasn't in a deep sleep, he was just resting in the middle of the day. His energy level is low today because he was up all night outside the walls hunting for his family. 

"Can I come in?" He hears Carol's voice ask.  
"Yeah," Daryl says, sitting up on his bed. The door opens, and Carol comes in and closes it behind her. She isn't dressed how she normally is, she's wearing sweatpants and a long sleeved shirt. She seems to be sweating a little bit, and her hair is messy. She doesn't come bearing a smile, she just has an empty and distant look on her face. 

"Move over," She says softly, and she sits on Daryl's bed, right next to him. Daryl watches her. She takes off her shoes, and she lifts her legs up, and she lays down.  
"Are you feeling OK?" Daryl asks, touching her shoulder.  
"Yeah. I'm just tired," Carol says.  
"You didn't want to go to your room?" Daryl asks, confused as to why she came to his.  
"I don't want to be alone. Not right now," She says.  
"Is something wrong? Is there someone I need to talk to?" Daryl asks. She offers him a light smile.  
"No, I just want your company. If you want me to, though, I can go to my own room," She says.  
"No, it's fine. You can stay," Daryl says. She nods her head and closes her eyes for a moment, but then reopens them.

"Daryl, if I was dying, what would you do?" Carol suddenly asks out of the blue. He furrows his eyebrows before replying.  
"Don't talk like that. You ain't dying, you don't need to worry about that," Daryl says. He hears her sigh.  
"OK, but if I was, what would you do?" She asks again.  
"I don't know. Why do you want to know?" Daryl asks, avoiding her question.  
"Because I want to know if I'd be able to trust someone in the last hours or minutes of my life," She says quietly.  
"You could trust me," Daryl says.  
"So what would you do to make me trust you?" Carol asks.  
"Don't you already trust me?" Daryl asks, sounding kind of sad and surprised that she doesn't. 

"I trust you, but that isn’t what I mean. I want to know if you'd take care of me if I was dying," Carol says.  
"I'd take care of you," He says. Carol takes a breath.  
"What would you do?" She asks.  
"I'd make sure you were fed. Don't need to be hungry. I'd get you water, too," Daryl says.  
"Is that all?" She asks.  
"Depends on how you were dying, I guess. If you dying of cancer or something, I'd probably just stay with you the whole time. I don’t really know what else I could do. Just make you comfortable I guess. If you got bit, I'd clean it for you, and then just stay by you until. You know,” Daryl says, “I don’t like talking ‘bout this. I like you being alive. Don’t wanna talk about you dying.”

"How would you stay with me?" Carol asks. He looks at her with a confused look on his face.  
"Would you just sit and watch me, or would you hold me?" Carol asks.  
"You already know the answer," Daryl says, rolling his eyes and shifting where he’s sitting so he can turn towards her more.  
"Just tell me so I'd know for sure. I really need to know," Carol says.  
"I'd hold you," Daryl tells her, "Now can you please tell me why you want to know all of that so badly?" He asks. 

"Daryl," Carol says, and at the same moment her voice breaks, and he sees her eyes watering.  
"Hey, what's wrong?" Daryl asks, wiping away her fallen tears with the pads of his thumbs. She doesn't give him an answer, she just lets out a sob. Upon hearing that, he lies down and wraps his arms around her small body, and he holds her against him, gently rocking her side to side.  
"Tell me what's wrong, sweetheart," Daryl says, rubbing his hand up and down her back. 

Carol slowly pulls herself out of his arms after a minute. She would rather stay, but then she would never be able to tell him what's wrong with her.  
Her fingers tug at the bottom of her shirt, but then she freezes as she loses confidence.  
"I can't..." She brokenly whispers, so Daryl does it instead. His hands take hold of her shirt, and he pushes it over her stomach, and his hands stutter to a stop when he sees it. 

"Carol... No..." Daryl whispers, and his eyes start watering. He lightly places a hand on her stomach, right next to a huge walker bite. 

Daryl looks to his bedside table and grabs his walkie talkie.  
"Michonne," Daryl says, trying now to break down in tears. It takes a moment for her to answer.  
"I'm here," She says. Daryl takes a breath before answering.  
"I need you and Siddiq to come to my room. Tell him to bring everything he can for open wounds," Daryl says.  
"OK. Be there in a second. Hang tight," Michonne says. Then, Daryl sets his walkie back down.  
"It's gonna be OK, Carol," Daryl says, still not having lifted his hand off her belly.  
"I didn't mean for it to happen," Carol says through her tears.  
"I know," Daryl says, wiping the beads of sweat off her forehead, "Thank you for coming to me." He wraps his arms around her until Siddiq and Michonne come rushing into Daryl's room. 

"Siddiq," Daryl says, gaining his attention. He comes over to Daryl's bed, but he quickly realizes it isn't Daryl who needs medical attention.  
"Can you clean it? Bandage it, too?" Daryl asks. Siddiq nods his head. Michonne comes over.  
"Carol... How did that happen?" She asks, in shock that one of her strongest friends got bit.  
"Accident. I tried getting away from that herd when I was out scavenging. There were too many," Carol says. Siddiq comes back with saline and rubbing alcohol. 

Without saying a word, Daryl grabs a hold of Carol's hand.  
"It's gonna sting a little," Siddiq says. Not like Carol doesn't know that already, but he warns her anyway. When it hits her, she squeezes her eyes shut, and she feels she's about to almost break Daryl's hand. 

It takes a couple minutes before her wound is clean, and when it is, Siddiq puts a bandage on her belly. He starts packing his stuff back up, but he leaves a knife on Daryl's dresser for after. He and Michonne end up both leaving after a few minutes so they can have privacy, but before leaving, Michonne asked if she can tell the others, and Carol agreed. 

"Are you hungry?" Daryl asks when they're gone. She shaked her head.  
"Thirsty?" He asks.  
"No," She replies.  
"What can I do?" Daryl asks her.  
"Just hold me until I go," Carol says. Daryl listens to her, and he wraps his arms around her, and then lays down.  
"I don't want you to die," Daryl tells her, his throat becoming hoarse.  
"I don't want to either," She says.  
"Are you scared?" Daryl asks. She looks at him, and she lifts a hand and holds the side of his face. He leans in to her touch.  
"No. I know where I'm going. At least I hope I know where," Carol says. Daryl turns his head a bit and he kisses the palm of her hand. 

Daryl looks at her as he entwines their fingers, and he presses a kiss to her forehead. 

Then he notices something change in her. He breathing becomes stuttered.  
"Hey, what's going on?" Daryl asks.  
"I don't feel so good," She says just as she leans over the floor and pukes up her food from the morning. Daryl reacts instantly, and he pulls her hair out of her face, and he gently rubs her back and shoulders, ignoring the rancid smell of vomit. 

She heaves in a few breaths before throwing up again, and then groaning in pain.  
"Hey, it's OK," Daryl says, "Just breathe, Carol." 

Carol takes a breath, and she sits up and then let's herself fall into Daryl's arms.  
"I'm sorry," She cries as he holds her.  
"Shh, no apologizing. It's OK. Maggie or someone else will take care of it. It's gonna be fine," Daryl says, helping her lay back down.

...

Carol hasn't said anything since she got sick. She hasn't left Daryl's embrace, or even tried to do anything. He had dinner, but she couldn't eat. Daryl had made her drink some water, but he felt really bad after because she cried. Even though he knew she was just in pain, he blamed himself for it. He doesn't like her crying, and he absolutely hates being the reason behind it. 

Carol is wearing a tank top now, because the long sleeved shirt was making her overheat. She's still overheated, but it's better, especially since Aaron brought an ice bucket and a rag. Every couple minutes, Daryl takes it off her forehead and he soaks it back in the cold water, and then he will put it back.

The majority of the group came and said bye to her already. Nobody actually said bye, but they all were with her. She was curled up against Daryl's side as they would come and go. Some of them cried and stayed for a while, and others said a few words and then quickly left. The only people who came were the ones who mattered most to her. The rest didn't even know she was bit. 

Daryl isn't expecting her to survive the night. He doesn't think she's going to last another day. Her fever is bad, and nearly every hour, Siddiq comes to check on her, and clean her wound. 

Daryl remembers the last thing she said to him.

"You decide when. If I'm too far gone, I need you to decide. And when I die, don't let me turn. I trust that you won't let me turn."

He doesn't like that it will most likely be the last thing he's heard from her. He knows that Carol is awake right now. Her eyes are open, and her head is resting in the middle of his chest. Her shirt is raised up just a little on her back so Daryl can cool her down with the rag. He watches the rise and fall of her breaths, and it breaks his heart knowing there may not be that many more in her. 

Daryl runs his free hand through Carol's hair, and he notices her beauty for the first time today. He sees the woman lying on him, and he can't help but think about how amazing their lives could have been in another life. One where they would be together. One where they would wake up every morning in each others arms. One where he'd be able to tell her how much he loves her every single day. He smiles sadly at her. He's gonna miss her so much when she's gone. More than anything. 

"You can go to sleep. It's OK," Daryl says, even though he's nowhere near ready to watch Carol pass away in her sleep.  
"I'll still be here. I'll take care of you. You're safe. I don't want you to worry about a thing. Just close your eyes, sweetheart. It'll be better soon," Daryl says. He watches her eyes close, and as soon as they do, Daryl's lips start quivering. 

"I love you, Carol," He says when she falls asleep. He kisses the top of her head. The first of his tears fall, but he stays silent, and he doesn't dare move and take her out of the minimal comfort he was able to grant her. 

Then he waits.


	2. Wednesday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for mentioned abuse

Carol has barely moved throughout the night. She's shifted only twice, and each time, Daryl would have a mini panic attack. He thought both times that the air was going to leave her lungs, and her organs would shut down, but it didn't happen. He hated reaching for his knife. He doesn't want to kill her after, when she's gone. Daryl still kept using the wet rag to help cool her off while she was sleeping, even though he wasn't even sure she could feel it. He was taking care of her, just as he promised he would do. 

Siddiq came by once, around midnight to clean Carol's bite, but then he said he would turn in for the night. That night felt like the longest night ever. Carol is asleep still, and her head is tucked into Daryl's shoulder, and he can feel her breath warm on his neck. She's still alive, as of now, at least. 

He's still worried, not sure that she's going to wake up again. One thing he does know, though, is that the fever usually doesn't take this long to kill it's victims. 

Carol shifts in his arms again, and Daryl starts reaching for his knife, just in case. He's not about to break his promise to her. But then her eyes open. What amazes him is that those beautiful blue eyes staring back at him are real. They're not the eyes of a monster that wants to use Daryl as food, but they're they eyes of Carol. She's still here. 

She looks miserable, but she's alive, and Daryl wasn't expecting that. He can't help but give her a little smile to let her know that he's thankful she's survived the night. His hand lightly touches her face, and it's very hot to the touch. 

"Can I make you a cold bath to cool you down?" Daryl asks her, "You don't need to talk, just nod or shake your head." To his surprise, she does nod her head.  
"I'm gonna call Aaron and have him bring a wheelchair. I'll bring you to Michonne's master bath so you won't have to see anyone, OK?" He says. She doesn't reply, so he grabs his walkie and turns it on.

"Aaron, you up?" Daryl asks. Right away, Aaron replies.  
"Yeah. You OK?" Aaron asks.  
"Can you bring a wheelchair 'n tell Michonne I need to steal her bathroom?" Daryl says.  
"Yeah, brother. I'll be there in a minute," Aaron says, and then his walkie goes silent. 

Daryl looks to Carol. 

"The water's gonna help cool you off. It hopefully will make you more comfortable," Daryl tells her. She doesn't say anything, and she doesn't move either. She lays on Daryl until Aaron shows up.

"I started the water. Do you need anything else?" Aaron asks.  
"Nah. Thank you," Daryl replies, and Aaron turns and walks out of the room. Daryl puts a hand on Carol's shoulder.  
"I'm gonna lift you up, OK?" Daryl says after a moment. She doesn't protest, and maybe it's because she just doesn't have any energy to do so. He carefully puts his arms around her waist, and he sits her up, then one of his hands leave to go under her knees, and he slowly stands up, holding her against him.

She feels weightless in his arms. Daryl hates how sick she is, and he's beginning to feel selfish for keeping her alive. Daryl lowers her into the wheelchair, and he picks up her hand and holds it for a moment. He doesn't say anything to her, he just looks at her. Her eyes look sad and hopeless when they meet his. It's like shes empty. Not being able to take it, he sets her hand back down, and he brings her to the bathroom. 

...

Daryl slowly lowers Carol into the bathtub filled with cold water. Before he undressed her, he had asked if she wanted someone else to come and help, maybe Michonne or Tara, but she ever so slightly shook her head "no." He's glad she didn't want another person to be helping her. He would much rather it be him with her than someone else right now. He doesn't like thinking about how someone else would treat her. 

Maybe someone else wouldn't be as gentle with her. Maybe they wouldn't care as much as he does if she had tears streaking down her face. Or if she needed something, even something easy, but they didn't give a shit. The worst thought, though, is how someone else react to her back. 

Daryl already suspected that she had scars because she wouldn't ever bathe when they were on the road when there were other people around. He knew she was beaten before, and he's done every damn thing possible to make sure that nobody would ever make a mark on that woman's skin ever again. He knows that the ones she received after aren't his fault because he can't protect her from everything, but seeing a new scar on her every now and then hurts him. 

What he sees now though, it makes his blood boil. He sees the marks from stitches she's had, and there's a lot. What's on her back is nearly as bad as what's on his, and he suddenly understands why she's hidden it from everyone until now. 

Carol tucks her knees up to her chest, and wraps her arms around herself. He sees how she's significantly more relaxed now that she's surrounded by cold water. She doesn't move or say anything, she just sits there. Daryl finds a chair to sit on, and he stays there. If it were any other scenario, he'd have left already, but he's not leaving her, especially not now when there's a time bomb hovering over her head. 

It's quiet. All he hears is his and Carol's breathing. He looks over to check on her, and he sees how her shoulders are silently shaking. He quickly gets up and goes over to her after noticing it.  
"Hey, hey, what's the matter?" Daryl asks, even though he really isn't expecting an answer. Like he thought, she didn't reply, but she did lift her head up and show him her tear streaked face. Just as quick as she lifted it though, she drops her face back in her knees. 

Without even a second thought, Daryl's hand reaches out to rub her back in soothing circles. He uses his knuckles to rub out knots she has in her shoulders. He continues the motion for a couple minutes until Carol's hand reaches behind her to hold his. He wants to say something to comfort her, but he has nothing. He has no idea what to tell her, and he knows that nothing he can say will change the fact that she's going to be dead soon. 

He doesn't know what he's going to do when she's gone. He loves her so much, and she may even be the only person he's ever loved with his entire being. She's always been there for him as he has with her, and he never even thought she would die. The thought of death never even crossed his mind when he thought of her, and now it's all he thinks of when he sees her beautiful face. 

His hand squeezes hers, giving her a silent signal that he's still there for her, and he will be until the end. He knows he doesn't want to live without her. She's the best thing that has ever happened to him, and he's wasted years because he was too scared about rejection, and he was caught up in recovering, himself. Daryl regrets wasting all the time he could have had her. He should have taken her in when he knew she loved him. Way back, so many years ago, when she kissed his forehead and told him that he was as good as everyone else. Or, when she made jokes to poke at and tease him, maybe if he said yes, he may have ended up with her. Hell, he wishes he believed her then when she teased him. 

God, I don't know if you're there or not, but please, when you take her away from me, don't let her leave in pain. She deserves better. You shouldn't have let her get bit, and I won't ever forgive you for that, but please, just don't let her be in pain. 

He prays in his head, silently. He isn't even sure if anyone is listening, but if there is someone, he wants to make sure his Carol is going to be OK. Then, he goes back to reality, and he let's go of Carol's hand. 

"You ready to get out?" Daryl asks her. She nods her head, so Daryl grabs her towel, and then goes back over to her. He unplugs the drain so the water starts going through the old pipes. When it is low enough, Daryl wraps the towel around her shoulders, and then he carefully lifts her out of the tub the same way he lowered her in, and he helps dress her.

He brings her back to his bedroom and he lays her down on his bed, and she curls up under the sheets, shivering. He doesn’t make her take off the blankets to get her fever down. If she’s going to end up dying anyway, why bother making her more uncomfortable?

As much as he doesn’t want her to go, he can’t help but wish she would stay. Though the odds are so minuscule, he’s got a tiny anchor of hope, and he’s trying to hold onto it, even though reality and his intelligence is telling him otherwise. 

He can’t lose her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading this. I wasn’t intending to post such a long time after the first chapter, but I just suddenly didn’t like this one, and I ended up rewriting the majority of it. Anyway, I hope y’all enjoyed it. See ya soon.

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so this was an idea I had a long time ago. I mean around 2017. I had half of this written out then, but I somehow lost inspiration. Anyway, I was going through my drafts, and I was very surprised that I let this rest there for two years. So here I am two years later, revising the story, and also finally finishing it. I hope I don’t forget about it again. 
> 
> Thank you for reading, I hope you stick around, and also, HAPPY PREMIERE DAY!
> 
> P.S. my tumblr is @ midnightconstellatiion.


End file.
